I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
