I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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