This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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