We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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