the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
