apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
