i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
