I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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