Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.

(513): View more from Ohio

I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.

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(207): saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow. (513): I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single. http://tfl.nu/mtqr

Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (1090)
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(562): View more from California

Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

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(562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia

Replies (34) Good night (11794) Bad night (1431)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

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(775): I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie. http://tfl.nu/cht2

Replies (53) Good night (9202) Bad night (816)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.

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(215): There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me. http://tfl.nu/xwbe

Replies (8) Good night (859) Bad night (3522)
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(607): View more from New York

The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

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(607): The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you. http://tfl.nu/2p1b

Replies (8) Good night (4557) Bad night (634)
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(714): View more from California

Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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(714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys

Replies (19) Good night (1372) Bad night (6182)
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(303): View more from Colorado

wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

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(303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg

Replies (19) Good night (8686) Bad night (1879)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later

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(513): I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later http://tfl.nu/i6ww

Replies (1) Good night (1556) Bad night (843)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.

(847): View more from Illinois

It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.

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(847): Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic. (847): It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word. http://tfl.nu/kmzp

Replies (10) Good night (2728) Bad night (819)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.

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(770): Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers. http://tfl.nu/y8q2

Replies (9) Good night (2010) Bad night (1496)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.

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(608): I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/60pl

Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (2330)
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(705): View more from Ontario

You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work

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(705): You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work http://tfl.nu/80dk

Replies (5) Good night (2014) Bad night (695)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed

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(610): i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed http://tfl.nu/7f8u

Replies (11) Good night (665) Bad night (1467)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing

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(228): He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/dsmd

Replies (1) Good night (691) Bad night (457)
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(815): View more from Illinois

There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?

(312): View more from Illinois

Best not to. Some people need their delusions.

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(815): There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him? (312): Best not to. Some people need their delusions. http://tfl.nu/62bt

Replies (2) Good night (515) Bad night (348)

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