they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
