I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
