I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
