Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my shit smells like andre
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
