He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
