shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
