another moral hangover. fuck.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize