we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
