i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My ass is underappreciated
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
