this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
