I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize