There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
