who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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