Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
