Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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