i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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