why didn't you poke me back
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
