Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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