I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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