Please, let me fuck your mom
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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