And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
