I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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