I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
