it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
