The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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