Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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