i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
