so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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