On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
