Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
