Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
