I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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