All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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