Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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