As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
