I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
