i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
