I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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