True but thats because hes a fetus.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
