dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
