I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
