If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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