....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
