I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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