More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You did what with his pubic hair?
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