I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
