My underwear smells like fireworks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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