Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This baby is an asshole
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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