i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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