I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
