I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
