you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
