I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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