omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
