my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found puke in my bra..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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