Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
