I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
