Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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