You don't have asthma, your pregnant
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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