I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
