I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
