My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
