are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
