I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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