he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
