This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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