This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
