I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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